Ridiculous laundry posting: The Perils of Fabric Softener
It came to pass that Ellen, daughter of Emma, bade her child, “Employ the fabric softener when that thou dost laundry, for lo! thou air-driest thy wet loads, and the absence thereof will cause grievous stiffness even in the limbs of thy shirts.” And lo, the daughter did purchase the recommended unguent, and used it once or twice, and then from heedlessness and haste did forget it ever after.
And it came to pass that the washing machine ceased to function; it gat no heat; it gat no drainage; it toiled not, neither did it spin. And the daughter’s laundry sat therein like unto a mess of pottage. And the daughter spake unto the repair man, saying, “Behold, my washer gat no heat; it gat no drainage; it toileth not, neither does it spin; and verily my laundry sitteth therein like unto a mess of pottage. Also giveth it forth from its netherparts an unctuous squishy blue and black rubbery substance, the like of which we have seen only in decayed bicycle innertubes. Wherefore and how come?”
And the repair man spake unto her, saying, “Behold, thou, or someone preceding thee in the life of this washer, hast usèd fabric softener, the which unguent is oily and unclean. And lo, even after many uses, in the fullness of time has this unguent coated and solidified on the inside parts of thy machine, that even now it is clogged and useless in its being; its tongue cleaveth to the roof of its mouth; it gat no heat; it gat no drainage; it toileth not, neither does it spin, and thy laundry lyeth and festereth in its maw truly like a mess of pottage and a boil ready to be scraped with a potsherd.” And taking his assistant and his implements, the repair man did investigate and excavate, and hewed even unto the foundations of the machine, that he might liberate it from the unclean unguent-based rubberlike goop that the fabric softener had become. And the daughter did cross his palm with shekels and do again that laundry which she had previously seen fester.
And there was great rejoicing.
April 25th, 2009 at 3:41 pm
If I could understand half of the fancy writing, my comments would be more coherent … but I do remember collecting clothes line-dried after washing with cheap detergent (this would be 30 years ago in Beijing), and they all stayed exactly the same shape after taken down from the line, and one had to rub all of them vigorously to make them fold-able. Soft and malleable fabric fresh out of a drier seemed so un-natural …
April 30th, 2009 at 12:42 pm
Our laundry stiffened mightily on the line in New Zealand, as well. And in Santa Clara it tends to get stiff, despite going through the dryer, because the calcium in the water supply builds up in the fibers of the clothes. Makes them gray, scratchy, and stiff. But in that case I think the solution is to put vinegar in the wash (to dissolve the calcium) or install a water softener. Fabric softener probably just puts a layer of nice-smelling oil on top of the calcium layer. (Oil, calcium salt, vinegar – this is beginning to sound like salad.)
I have never seen fabric softener in this solid form, though. Maybe because the water in the washer is never heated it has a chance to build and clog. Not that the water is cold, of course – nothing here is ever below 78 degrees – but maybe at about 130 Fahrenheit (50 Celsius) it’s liquid enough to just flow down the drain instead of hanging around in the pipes.