Dealing with Suicide Bombers: The Culinary Defense
A Singaporean friend of mine has to travel to Pakistan and Bangladesh a lot for business. It’s dangerous these days, what with suicide bombers and fundamentalist Islam in the ascendant. Karachi is especially perilous, apparently. So here’s his strategy in dialogue form, as he reports it, featuring that most Singaporean obsession, food:
“Hi. I’m your taxi driver from the airport to your hotel. Once we get there I’ll be detonating my trunkload of explosives. So sorry. Have a nice ride!”
“Hello taxi driver. I’m a Chinese Singaporean. No, I’m not a Muslim. Do you know what they serve to eat on Singapore Airlines? Slow-cooked PORK spare-ribs with barbecue sauce! Stir-fried PORK and veggies, cooked in pure PORK FAT. Delicious! I ate a lot of it. And it was followed by pastries made with lard, which of course is PURE PORK FAT. A bit greasy, but so crispy! I am just chock-full of PORK products. I probably have PORK FAT running through my veins, even!” (I.e., if you blow me up, I’ll splatter pork on you and your body will be completely contaminated.)
“Oh, interesting. OK, I guess I won’t be blowing up the taxi this time. Enjoy your visit!”
NB: Singapore Airlines also serves halal food.
NB #2: My friend is a vegetarian.