The Super Adorable Liu Ba (translation)
August 25th, 2009 by Mei and LaraThis translation is based on an essay found on many Chinese 3 Kingdoms sites. Unfortunately I couldn’t track down the name of the original author. The characters and events in this essay are based on historical records, not based on the novel. Read on to find out why it’s a popular little piece on characters from the 3 Kingdoms period.
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Liu Bei once said that winning Zhuge Liang’s service was like a “fish winning his water.” It was an emperor-minister relationship that’s been the envy of hundreds of later generations.
The three visits to the straw cottage has to be our best-known legend. But if you think getting Zhuge Liang was Liu Bei’s most arduous recruiting task, you’d be wrong.
There was another super genius who caused Liu Bei a lot more bother; Liu Bei pursued him all across Jingzhou and Yizhou, and almost as far as Jiaozhi (Vietnam today);in this process, Liu Bei was sometimes so elated he was ready to throw a banquet, but other times frustrated to the verge of hacking this guy to pieces.
When Liu Bei obtained Zhuge Liang, he could sleep with him as much as he wanted (this was more like sleep-overs so they could chat into the night — don’t let your mind drift!). The guy we’re talking about, however, remained frosty even when he worked in the Shu camp, as if all the people in Shu owed him money.
He was the Super Adorable Liu Ba.
This guy had talents that surpassed even Zhuge Liang’s — Zhuge Liang himself admitted as much, and was in fact Liu Ba’s most enthusiastic recruiter. In order to get this guy, the whole cast from Liu Bei’s camp was mobilized.
So who the heck was this hard-to-get Liu Ba?
Liu Ba, style named Ziche, was from a well-established family in Jingzhou. He was known for his talents even in youth. But as soon as he was famous for anything, he was famous for “despising Liu Bei.”. Yet he seemed destined to be connected to Liu Bei. No matter how hard he tried to skitter out of the way, he always ran smack into Bei.
When Ba was 18, he worked as a clerk in Jingzhou’s official records department. It was at the time when Liu Bei came to Jingzhou to join forces with Liu Biao.
We do not know when Liu Ba started to dislike Liu Bei. What we do know is that during this time Ba was already quite famous. Liu Bei told Liu Biao’s nephew Zhou Wuyi to study with Ba. But when Ba learned that the recommendation came from Liu Bei, he declined with gusto, claiming that he didn’t deserve Bei’s high opinion. Of course this might only be proof of his modesty, not of his distaste for Liu Bei. But soon after, Liu Bei found out that the latter was indeed the case.
Before the battle of the Red Cliffs, Liu Bei’s army was soundly beaten by Cao Cao, and Bei was on the run. All the aristocrats in Jingzhou decided to flee with Liu Bei, except for Liu Ba, who went north to join Cao Cao, thus proving that he preferred betraying the Han dynasty to following Liu Bei.
Cao Cao couldn’t believe his luck, and quickly named Liu Ba as his assistant. Later on Cao Cao gave Ba the cushy assignment of claiming the cities of Changsha and Lingling. This would have been a most desirable assignment, but Liu Ba said: “I’m not going.” Cao Cao found this totally bewildering– I’m giving you the best jobs, and you don’t want them? So of course he wanted a reason, and got this pouty response from Liu Ba: “Liu Bei is in Jingzhou. I don’t want to go anywhere near there!” Changsha and Lingling were located just south of Jingzhou.
Cao Cao laughed and said: “No worries! I’ll send armies to protect you if you encounter Liu Bei.”
“Since you say so, I’ll go.” With this promise from Cao Cao, Liu Ba took off on his mission.
Well, he was truly unlucky. In the battle of Red Cliffs Cao Cao suffered his biggest defeat. And the strategy Zhuge Liang devised for Liu Bei was to go grab Changsha and Lingling right after that.
So when Liu Bei took over Lingling, he was ecstatic to hear that Liu Ba was there. Still refusing to take Ba’s earlier hints, Liu Bei deluded himself into believing that Liu Ba must have been captured by Cao Cao the last time, which would explain perfectly why he didn’t follow Bei down south. So he went eagerly to visit Liu Ba, only to find that Ba had fled once again, far far away, all the way to Jiaozhi (Vietnam).
No matter how dense Liu Bei wanted to be, he finally realized that Ba really didn’t want anything to do with him. Now, it is true that brilliant people can be a bit haughty and reluctant to engage with the hoi polloi, and Bei was used to chasing talent relentlessly. However, even though Zhuge Liang tried to hide during the three-visits, at least he didn’t run away! (Liang: I didn’t have enough time to run – he caught me snoozing.) Liu Bei’s feelings were hurt.
If Liu Bei had known just how much Liu Ba despised him, he would have felt even worse. Fleeing to Vietnam, to the far reaches of the known world, didn’t make Ba feel safe enough. To prevent Liu Bei from finding him through other connections, Liu Ba went so far as to change his name to Zhang.
Fate liked to play cruel jokes on Liu Ba. He worked in Jiaozhi for Governor Shi Xie, under his new name Zhang. While Shi Xie was pro-Wu, he was one of the few high-level officials in the three kingdoms period who were not directly involved in the war. Perhaps Liu Ba’s advice didn’t suit his style; whatever the case they never got along, and soon Liu Ba left. As Ba travelled the westward road he was arrested by a Yizhou County official, and almost executed (my guess is that he gave a fake name that didn’t match his identification papers). (Note: this Yizhou County is in Yunnan, not related to our normal Yizhou).
Luckily the Yizhou County mayor’s secretary sensed that Liu Ba wasn’t just a random guy (this was the three kingdoms period, after all. Even a clerk in a remote town could read people as well as Sima Hui, Mr. Water-Mirror). So they sent Ba to Yizhou’s Governor, Liu Zhang.
Those familiar with the history of Three Kingdoms know what happens next.
Liu Zhang was originally pro-Cao — he had already sent Zhang Song to express his fealty to Cao Cao. But Cao Cao gave Mr. Zhang Song a very cold reception, presumably because of Song’s ugly face. Feeling slighted, Song came back and urged Liu Zhang to collaborate with Liu Bei instead. Without a strong opinion either way, Liu Zhang agreed.
When Liu Ba was brought before Liu Zhang, Liu Zhang was delighted, as he had heard of Ba’s fame before. He immediately asked Ba: “What advice would you give me?” Ba gave him just one tip: “Do not welcome Liu Bei.”
But Liu Zhang didn’t listen to him, and eventually lost Yizhou to Liu Bei. Once again Liu Ba set out on his journey to keep his distance from Liu Bei, but this time he was immediately thwarted by a very determined Liu Bei. Zhuge Liang wrote to Liu Ba: “It’s futile to keep running! It is your fate. Liu Bei is your destined master, so just give it up and come out to work!” Liu Ba replied: “I was working for Liu Zhang, and failed on that job, so you should dismiss me to my home. Why do you bother with all this nonsense!”
Zhuge Liang insisted, and finally was able to get Liu Ba.
Liu Ba had probably given up his struggle by now, and agreed to work for Liu Bei. But, “you can have my body, but not my soul”. He continued to dispise Liu Bei.
As the old saying goes, “an ugly house disfigures its inhabitants”. Liu Ba’s distaste for Liu Bei naturally extended to Bei’s brothers Zhang Fei and Guan Yu, who never received so much as a smile from Ba. Zhang Fei seemed to possess no more sense than his big brother Bei — he even asked for a sleepover at Ba’s house. Perhaps he heard of Ba’s dislike of Bei, and felt curious? Or perhaps he thought to himself: “when Ba used a pseudonym, he chose Zhang. I think he might actually like me!” Or perhaps he wanted to experience the lovely “fish in water” feeling between his brother and Zhuge Liang. In any case, he invited himself for a sleepover at Ba’s home.
Liu Ba never thought that in addition to handling Liu Bei’s business, he had the duty to sleep with Bei’s brother … Alright, but he didn’t have to keep up a conversation, did he? Zhang Fei dawdled in Ba’s house for a full day, and asked many questions, but never got a single word out of Liu Ba (even if Ba had opened his mouth, nothing polite would have come out of it). Zhang Fei finally realized that he wasn’t welcome at Ba’s house at all (which he should have realized the moment he set foot in the house and saw Ba’s expression). Fei threw a tantrum, and Zhuge Liang had to get involved to mollify both sides. Liu Ba wasn’t moved: “Why should I talk to him?”
This story quickly traveled to Wu. During one of the chit-chat sessions between Wu’s emperor and ministers (outside the door was a sign “Center for Strategic Planning”, i.e., Think Tank!), this piece of gossip came up. Zhang Zhao commented: “Liu Ba really isn’t very cultured, is he? So impolite to Zhang Fei.” Sun Quan replied: “Well that’s how Liu Ba is. Capable people always have some temper, you know.” Truly, these are inane conversations, and more inane was the historian who dutifully wrote them down … But I love it; what an adorable Pei Songzhi (the historian who annotated San Guo Zhi — History of Three Kingdoms — with additional material from local and other sources)!
Even though Liu Ba was arrogant, he had good reasons for being so. When Liu Bei occuppied Yizhou, the treasury was completely empty, and Bei was very worried. Liu Ba said: “No big deal, three little steps should take care of it: first, circulate copper coins of 100 Qian denomination; second, enforce consistent consumer prices all over the country; third, implement a government-controlled trade system for certain goods.” This was no empty boast, either. In a few short months after these policies took effect, the treasury was filled.
Zhuge Liang did an exellent job recruiting Liu Ba!
From this one task, we can see that Liu Ba’s capabilities were truly exceptional. But his attitude was completely passive. He would never do anything not officially assigned to him. Understandably so, of course, as he didn’t exactly come willingly to work for Liu Bei. After Shu was established, most of the government documents were written by Liu Ba. Even the nation’s name and the symbolic name of each year of the reign were chosen by him. However, he didn’t want others in the future to notice his existence in Shu (Bei: is it really such a disgrace to work for me?!), so the historical records about Liu Ba are very sparse.
Liu Ba died in the year 222, in his prime, aged 39. He had spent 13 years, or 1/3 of his lifetime trying to escape from Liu Bei. In the last 8 years of his life, he finally bowed to his fate. Finally, with his death, he was able to get away from Liu Bei.
However, his peace in heaven lasted for only one day (as we all know, one day in heaven is equivalent to one year on earth) before Liu Bei followed. That’s right, one year after Liu Ba died, Liu Bei died too!
Alas, up to the azure vault and down to the deepest place, neither above nor below could he e’er lose his trace! Liu Ba and Liu Bei were truly connected by fate.
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Appendix: Original Chinese version
超可爱的刘巴
当年，刘备得到孔明之后，曾说过他得到孔明是「如鱼得水」，这样的君臣关系，羡煞了后世百代。
三顾茅庐的传奇，世人已经熟到不能再熟。但是，如果以为诸葛亮是刘备寻访贤才的过程中，最为辛苦的一个，那你就错了。
另一位奇才，追他追得更辛苦，刘备追遍了荆州益州，差点要杀到交趾去；追他的过程中，有时高兴得要开宴会，有时气得想干脆把他砍死算了。
而且，追到孔明之后，随便刘备爱怎么睡就怎么睡，（三国的君臣常同眠以增进感情，这里所说的睡就是睡的意思，不要想太多！）这个人身在蜀营，还是冷若冰霜，好像蜀国的人都欠他一样。
他就是超可爱的刘巴。
刘巴，字子彻，零陵烝阳(今湖南邵东)人。祖父刘曜，苍梧太守。父刘祥，江夏太守、荡寇将军。公元l90年，刘巴祸避零陵，为郡主记主薄。公元208年，曹操南下荆州，刘巴北上投奔曹操。赤壁战后，奉曹操之命回江南招降。刘备深恨刘巴。诸葛亮劝刘巴留下，刘巴不从。因无法复命曹操，刘巴便南下交州，改姓张，辗转进入益州，投刘璋麾下。公元211年，刘备取益州，刘巴归附备，为左将军西曹掾。刘备称帝的第二年，刘巴病逝。
此人的才干，连诸葛亮都自叹不如，挖角最力的也是诸葛亮。为了把他请出来，刘备阵营几乎是全部动员，这位架子奇大的刘巴，何许人也？
刘巴字子初，是荆州世家名人，少年时就很有才赶，不过却是打从他出名开始，就以「讨厌刘备」出名。偏偏他跟刘备有缘到了极点，不管他怎么闪，都会遇到刘备。
他十八岁时，在荆州担任郡署户曹吏主记主簿。当时刘备正好来荆州投奔刘表。
刘巴何时开始讨厌刘备，我们不知道。只知道这时他已经十分有名气，刘备叫刘表的甥儿周不疑去向他求学，刘巴一听是刘备介绍的，拼命推辞，说自己承当不起，大大谦虚了一番。本来这只能证明他很谦虚，不能证明他讨厌刘备，但是不久之后，刘备就发现原来他真的是讨厌自己的。
在赤壁之战前夕，刘备被曹操打得落花流水，开始逃难，荆州的士族都跟著刘备走，只有刘巴一个人往北上，去找曹操。这下可表明他宁愿去当汉奸（汉朝的奸臣）也不要跟着刘备。
曹操对他的投奔又惊又喜，任命他做掾（助理），后来曹操叫他去招抚长沙、零陵等地，这是委以极大的重任。刘巴说：「我不去。」曹操很奇怪，我要重用你，你居然不肯？当然就问原因了。刘巴臭着脸说：「刘备在荆州，我不要去！」原来长沙等地就在荆州以南。
曹操似乎没有听懂这句话的意义，笑着说：「安啦！万一你遇到刘备，我派六军去保护你！」
「你说的喔！」有了这句保证，刘巴才上路了。
想不到，他真的很衰，赤壁之战曹操惨败，诸葛亮指导刘备的战略就是去夺长沙、零陵等郡。
刘备入主零陵，听说刘巴也在这里，非常地高兴。神经少一条的刘备还以为上次他没跟自己南下，是被曹操抓去的关系。当刘备很热情地准备去找刘巴叙叙旧，才发现刘巴逃走了，而且逃得很远，逃到交趾（越南）。
刘备再怎么迟钝，也终于发现人家真的不想理自己。贤才是都有点架子没错，但是当初他去三顾茅庐时，孔明虽然也躲了他几次，至少没有逃走啊！（亮：「我是来不及跑。」）刘备觉得很没面子，好像受到蛮大的伤害。
如果他知道刘巴有多讨厌他，他可能会更伤心。刘巴逃到越南还不够，怕刘备通过渠道找到他，刘巴还改名换姓。
老天好像有意跟刘巴闹，逃到交趾改姓张的刘巴，在交趾的太守士燮手下做事，士燮是拥吴派，也是三国时代少数没有卷入斗争的领导者。或许是刘巴给他的意见与他的作风不合，两人处得不好，刘巴便离开了。经由牂牁道时，被益州郡守拘留，（我猜是他报假名，跟证件不合之类的问题）差点要被杀掉。（注：这个益州郡，与益州没有关系，是在云南省。）所幸太守的主簿觉得刘巴似乎是个不简单的人物（不愧是三国时代，乡下地方的一个科长都有水镜先生的识人功力），便将他送去见见益州牧刘璋。
熟悉三国史的人大概都已经知道将会发生什么事了。
刘璋本来是亲曹派，派张松去对曹操表明态度。不料因为张松其貌不扬，曹操对他冷冷淡淡，憋了一肚子气回来的张松便劝刘璋和刘备合起来对付曹操。刘璋没什么主见，也就同意了。（曹操正值赤壁战败，莫名其妙又少了个盟友，真是，人在走霉的时候，什么都不顺……）
这时刘巴被抓到刘璋面前，刘璋以前就听过他的大名，大喜过望，马上问他对自己有什么好的意见？刘巴只给他一个意见：「不要接纳刘备。」
刘璋不听，益州果然被刘备并吞。刘巴要再度展开他的「远离刘备之旅」，却被堵住，刘备这回卯起来不让他跑了。孔明写信给刘巴说：「你躲不掉的！天命如此，刘备就是你的真命天子，认命吧！给我出来！」刘巴回信说：「我是替刘璋办事的，事情没办好，你应该放我回家才对，讲那个什么话！」
总之，孔明死要活要，还是把刘巴要出来了。
刘巴大概是放弃挣扎，只好答应为刘备效命。但是「你可以得到我的身体，不能得到我的心」，刘巴还是继续讨厌刘备。
所谓「嫌乌及屋」，他对张飞、关羽当然也没有好脸色。那个跟他老哥一样少了一根神经的张飞，居然还兴冲冲地跑到刘巴家睡觉。可能是听说刘巴讨厌刘备，张飞对他很好奇吧？也可能张飞还说过：「他的假名也姓张，我想他可能比较喜欢我！」之类很得意的话，也想体验一下大哥跟孔明同榻而寝、如鱼得水的感觉，便也去跟刘巴挤同一张床。
刘巴没想到除了帮刘备处理公事之外，还要陪他老弟睡……（我想这个谁都想不到的），睡就让他睡，我不讲话可以吧？张飞在刘巴家赖了一整天，东问西问，刘巴都没开口吐出一个字，（可能会是不好听的字），张飞终于发现（你早在进门到他的脸见色就该发现！）刘巴不欢迎自己（正确地说是很讨厌！）。张飞气得哇哇叫，孔明赶快居中调解，刘巴还是爱理不理地说：「我干嘛要理他？」（对啊！张飞你没事去别人家睡觉干什么？）
最好笑的是这件事居然连吴国都知道了，吴国君臣在东家长西家短时（门外挂着「战略研讨中心」的牌子），聊到这事，张昭说：「刘巴实在是很不上道，对张飞这么没礼貌。」孙权说：「刘巴就是这样嘛，高人都是有架子的。」（实在是有够没意义的对话，更无聊的是写史的人还把它记下来……不过，呵呵，我喜欢，可爱的裴松之。）
刘巴虽然很拽，却有拽的本钱，在刘备攻取益州之后，国库空空，刘备十分忧心。刘巴说：「小事一件，三个动作搞定：一、铸值百钱的铜板通行；二、统一全国物价；三、实行公卖制度。」真不是盖的，数月之间，府库充实。
孔明要他真是要得太漂亮了！
这件事上面，就可以看出刘巴的能力实在罕见，但是他的态度非常被动，事情不塞给他，他绝不会抢着做。想也知道，他本来就是被逼着帮刘备的，当然不会追求表现。蜀国建国之后，诏命公文什么的都是刘巴写的，国号年号也都是他定的（好在他没有公报私仇，把蜀国取名为「输国」，年号章武取为「章螂」），但他实在太不愿意被后人注意到他的存在（备：「当我的手下真的有这么丢脸吗？！」），因此，关于他的记载确实很少。
刘巴在章武二年去世，时年只有三十九岁。总计花了十三年（生命中三分之一的时光）躲刘备，最后八年才认命。死后的他，总算可以摆脱刘备。
然而，他在天堂只清静了不到一天（天上一日，人间一年），刘备就跟来了。没错，刘巴去世的第二年，刘备也死了！
上穷碧落下黄泉，两处茫茫皆撞见。他们真是有缘啊!
